On foot in mouth disease.

Infertility can be a very isolating experience. I can only imagine that it was more so back in the dark ages before the internet- before we were able to go visit a message board and share our obsession, frustration and most recent wacky idea as to how on earth we can just get effing knocked up already. Eating the core of a pineapple in five equal parts for the first five days after ovulation? 20 minutes of sunshine daily? Eating exactly one Brazil nut everyday? Have sex while standing on your head and singing gypsy chants? Sounds crazy, and it probably is, but there they are....these women that *swear* that it was what made it "their month." Except for that last one, I totally made that up. Might be fun though.

I'm fifteen months in and I haven't had "my month" yet. I try not to complain, some ladies have been at it longer and/or have more obstacles than I do. Plus there is SO much that I have been blessed with in my life. I'm 27 and married to essentially the nicest man on the planet. No, seriously. And he's cute, too. We just bought an adorable little bungalow in one of my favorite neighborhoods. I have a great family, and terrific friends. I've been a proud "dog mama" to two incredibly funny Jack Russell Terriers for nearly 7 years. What more could a girl want?

A baby. Yes, I know they cry and poop and are generally quite needy. I know that I will be sleep deprived, and my nipples will feel like they might fall off from constantly nursing. What is it, exactly, that compels people to say things like "if you knew how much work they were you wouldn't want one so badly?" If I wanted a doll to play dress-up with, I'd go to the store and buy myself one. I'd come home, crack a beer and brew coffee simultaneously (lord knows I haven't had any caffeine or alcohol in forever), fall asleep without checking my cervical mucus and sleep way past the timeframe for me to get the most accurate basal body temperature in the morning. I'd skip my twice daily exercise routine, the myriad of medications I take and the 16 supplements I lug around with me. I'd drink as much or as little water as I please, and I certainly wouldn't test my urine twice a day. I'd have sex exactly when and in the position I felt like.

Please, do not tell the infertility girl how great she has it because she doesn't have to do the work involved with parenting. I'm doing an enormous amount of work just for the chance to be a parent. It's true that I don't have first hand experience (aside from nannying several infants who certainly cry and poop) but WHY on earth would you shove that in my face? Every woman goes into a pregnancy with pie in the sky hopes that will be dashed eventually, and I'm sure you were no exception. If anything, I've had lots of extra time to research different parenting methods and decide exactly which pie I'm putting up there in the sky.

Are you still reading? You're either crazy or you love me, or likely a combination of both. I promise this blog won't be all negative ranting. With any luck (or maybe a brazil nut) eventually I will be too busy and sleep deprived with my crying, pooping baby to even update this thing.

Until next time,

Grace