On Defeat

18 months. That is how long we've been doing this, tomorrow. I've read that I would know when I couldn't take it anymore. And up until a couple days ago I couldn't imagine getting to that point, giving up. It felt selfish, short-sighted etc....

I don't know what changed. Nothing monumental. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of being disappointed, of feeling estranged from everyone because they don't understand what we're going through. I'm tired of not having money to pay bills because I spent it all on treatment. I'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster.

Two more cycles or the end of the year, whichever comes first and then I'm done. At least till we can afford IVF or to adopt.

I hate feeling like a quitter.

Until next time,

G

On Birthdays

I didn't marry the guy who has an elaborate plan or surprise for a birthday. I did marry the guy who, upon realizing that his wife is slightly miffed because he worked late on her special day, hastily attempts to bake his first cake ever. 

He didn't marry the prettiest girl he's ever dated, but he did marry one smart enough to know that next year she will just tell him that she wants to go out to sushi. And that there is no sense in telling him the cake kinda tasted like cornbread.

On Numbers