On Insanity

I'm sure you all have heard the quote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome, or something to that effect. I've mused about this quote quite often- because my doctor has been slow to change my regimen even when it's clearly not working. And I'm slowly going insane.

I'm weary. So when I went into the office and the nurse told me that the billing ladies upstairs wanted to see me immediately, I groaned. What now? Well it would seem that my "luck" (I struggle to feel lucky about anything in the fertility department) where my doctor was coding my bills as "low complexity visits" had run out. She'd officially changed my diagnosis to "infertility" (uhm....duh) and now my insurance was kicking everything out and refusing to pay. Nothing like having to cough up 150+ on an unexpected bill the day before vacation. My shoulders slumped, and I fought back tears at the unfairness of it all. How can infertility treatment be deemed an elective thing, like liposuction or breast implants? Totally insane. The woman, who clearly felt bad, patted my hand and said that many patients are in the same boat as me. She meant well, but it didn't make me feel any better.

By the time I stripped down on the table and was waiting for the doc, I was feeling pretty discouraged. I didn't have good news for her, unlike the two months prior. She came in and I told her that my chart last cycle was a flat as Kansas- and that for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I had done differently from the two cycles earlier where I had miraculously O'd. I took my supplements, I exercised, I drank my 100 oz of water. I checked my blood sugar religiously to make sure I didn't let it get too high. What gives, I asked? She tapped her pen against my chart, sighed heavily- and told me she was upping the dosage of both medications and wanted to monitor me mid-cycle so she can give me a trigger HCG injection. Amen.

So I went and picked up my prescriptions, which YAY cost a bunch of extra money because they are a higher dosage. I went to the natural food co-op and bought the super expensive fish oil capsules that I have to take. I texted my husband and told him that we would be eating scrambled eggs and water all week on vacation. And even though it may be insane, I hoped.

Until next time,

Grace